Nandini

She was sitting in her room looking at the ceiling , it was night already but she didnt feel like turning on the lights , it didnt make a difference anyways . As long as her mind was clouded, external lights would not do the trick. she had failed all her attempts to fill her mind with awe.

She had always adored her name "Nandini" which means full of joy . She had lived that life as child , Then there was not a thing that did not catch her admiration , Smell of earth when it rained, myriad colors reflected by the soap bubbles . She had leapt with bees and butterflies hopping from flower to flower , drenched in rain quacking along with those frogs . She had made every desperate effort to recreate those days again , In an attempt to fill her mind with awe again, Even travelled far and wide to see if that would help , but in vain.

This was more than what she could take, she just turned and started crying her hearts out , with tiny drops of tears moving down her cheeks , It was those tiny beads reflecting the light of moon that caught her attention , they were beautiful just like pearls arranging itself to make a string. Washing away those tears she decided to take a walk. Lost in her thoughts she tripped , she tried to balance herself but landed on her knees and had failed to notice a street dog beside her, it was enraged at this uncalled for intrusion and started grinding its teeth making a growling sound. she was always scared of dogs , she leapt in a split second , running like a maniac down the road until she reached the end , she stopped and looked back , the dog didn't seemed to have moved from its place , but what caught her eyes was the road. It looked awsome with gulmohar on either side that was already flowering, moon shining bright in the sky , just then cool breeze swept her untied hair carrying the sweet smell of parijata and few petals of Gulmohar.This was a wonderful feeling she had not felt in years, In the very road where she passed everyday.

When she reached back her friend was anxiously waiting for her asking what was wrong, she smiled , her eyes twinkled amidst the smudged kajal . she said , I agree with bernard shaw “We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing" , I today realized that although it is said that with age we need a lot more to fill the heart and experience awe , it is not true. All it takes is to have a mind ready to plunge into new realm , free of prejudice and expectation , You just need to look within and grinned winking at the fly that had just entered the room . Although her friend was already asleep it didn't matter, today she had realized the way to realize her name.

Unexplored land called MIND

I normally don't watch disturbing movies or read such books, because for me it is not watching/reading them but living them, either as a character or as an observer, being a part of the authors world.

With an impression that black swan movie is based on the book, which is about the unexpected , unpredicted event that has always had magnanimous impact in history , I decided to watch black swan movie, which turned out to be totally different from the book and got thinking about mind. The story is summarized in Thomas's words as follows..

"Thomas Leroy: We all know the story. Virginal girl, pure and sweet, trapped in the body of a swan. She desires freedom but only true love can break the spell. Her wish is nearly granted in the form of a prince, but before he can declare his love her lustful twin, the black swan, tricks and seduces him. Devastated the white swan leaps of a cliff killing herself and, in death, finds freedom".

Last fifteen minutes of the movie where the character Nina transitions from white swan to black swan is just perfect. when the story was very disturbing on one hand as to , how could the prince be her true love if he so weak to get tricked and seduced ? Why the hell did white swan lose her life for that ? on the other hand tricks that Nina's mind was playing , which destroys her .It was cruel enough to chill your spine.

That got me thinking about mind . It was only while watching "wild" in NGC, a comment "In nature winner takes it all , If you have the right set of weapons , size does not matter" in the context of a rodent killing a snake , Reminded me of what my yoga teacher was telling , "ma" kara in AUM and also in praNaya"ma" plays a very important role , it signifies mind , That which needs to be controlled and channelized , else it is going to control you. Just like how a huge elephant can be controlled by a small stick ("Ankusha") , mind can be controlled by "will" and discipline.

The same mind which helps to imagine, acts as a source of enthusiasm , driving us from one pursuit to the other , motivates to achieve , Also has the destructive power to fill lethargy and lead to destruction . Bingo! "The way up ,is the way down" by TS Eliot which is resonance of "Dharmakshetre Kurukshetre samavetaa yuyutsavah" makes perfect sense here.

It shows how important it is to understand it and channelize it for good, but do we do enough to realize? This reminds me of a quote from Einstein.

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."

But one thing we have to realize is , it is not easy to control mind/emotions, No matter what one's resolution is , it is very easy to fall prey for that instantaneous impulse. The very same prolem is highlighted by Arjuna but what is important to note here is krishna's reply..

Arjuna says :

Chanchalam hi manah krishna pramaathi balavad dridham |

Tasyaaham nigraham manye vaayoriva sudushkaram ||

Krishna replies:

Asamshayam mahaabaaho mano durnigraham chalam |

Abhyaasena tu kaunteya vairaagyena cha grihyate ||

There is this quote from Sri Aurobindo which aptly captures the essence of the above conversation and provides an achievable practice.

"There is nothing mind can do that cannot be better done in the mind's immobility and thought-free stillness. When mind is still, then truth gets her chance to be heard in the purity of the silence".

When the territory of mind is vast and its power immense the above thoughts rather made me confident happy and positive that situation is not that bad after all , A solution known is half the problem conquered.