Nandini

She was sitting in her room looking at the ceiling , it was night already but she didnt feel like turning on the lights , it didnt make a difference anyways . As long as her mind was clouded, external lights would not do the trick. she had failed all her attempts to fill her mind with awe.

She had always adored her name "Nandini" which means full of joy . She had lived that life as child , Then there was not a thing that did not catch her admiration , Smell of earth when it rained, myriad colors reflected by the soap bubbles . She had leapt with bees and butterflies hopping from flower to flower , drenched in rain quacking along with those frogs . She had made every desperate effort to recreate those days again , In an attempt to fill her mind with awe again, Even travelled far and wide to see if that would help , but in vain.

This was more than what she could take, she just turned and started crying her hearts out , with tiny drops of tears moving down her cheeks , It was those tiny beads reflecting the light of moon that caught her attention , they were beautiful just like pearls arranging itself to make a string. Washing away those tears she decided to take a walk. Lost in her thoughts she tripped , she tried to balance herself but landed on her knees and had failed to notice a street dog beside her, it was enraged at this uncalled for intrusion and started grinding its teeth making a growling sound. she was always scared of dogs , she leapt in a split second , running like a maniac down the road until she reached the end , she stopped and looked back , the dog didn't seemed to have moved from its place , but what caught her eyes was the road. It looked awsome with gulmohar on either side that was already flowering, moon shining bright in the sky , just then cool breeze swept her untied hair carrying the sweet smell of parijata and few petals of Gulmohar.This was a wonderful feeling she had not felt in years, In the very road where she passed everyday.

When she reached back her friend was anxiously waiting for her asking what was wrong, she smiled , her eyes twinkled amidst the smudged kajal . she said , I agree with bernard shaw “We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing" , I today realized that although it is said that with age we need a lot more to fill the heart and experience awe , it is not true. All it takes is to have a mind ready to plunge into new realm , free of prejudice and expectation , You just need to look within and grinned winking at the fly that had just entered the room . Although her friend was already asleep it didn't matter, today she had realized the way to realize her name.

Unexplored land called MIND

I normally don't watch disturbing movies or read such books, because for me it is not watching/reading them but living them, either as a character or as an observer, being a part of the authors world.

With an impression that black swan movie is based on the book, which is about the unexpected , unpredicted event that has always had magnanimous impact in history , I decided to watch black swan movie, which turned out to be totally different from the book and got thinking about mind. The story is summarized in Thomas's words as follows..

"Thomas Leroy: We all know the story. Virginal girl, pure and sweet, trapped in the body of a swan. She desires freedom but only true love can break the spell. Her wish is nearly granted in the form of a prince, but before he can declare his love her lustful twin, the black swan, tricks and seduces him. Devastated the white swan leaps of a cliff killing herself and, in death, finds freedom".

Last fifteen minutes of the movie where the character Nina transitions from white swan to black swan is just perfect. when the story was very disturbing on one hand as to , how could the prince be her true love if he so weak to get tricked and seduced ? Why the hell did white swan lose her life for that ? on the other hand tricks that Nina's mind was playing , which destroys her .It was cruel enough to chill your spine.

That got me thinking about mind . It was only while watching "wild" in NGC, a comment "In nature winner takes it all , If you have the right set of weapons , size does not matter" in the context of a rodent killing a snake , Reminded me of what my yoga teacher was telling , "ma" kara in AUM and also in praNaya"ma" plays a very important role , it signifies mind , That which needs to be controlled and channelized , else it is going to control you. Just like how a huge elephant can be controlled by a small stick ("Ankusha") , mind can be controlled by "will" and discipline.

The same mind which helps to imagine, acts as a source of enthusiasm , driving us from one pursuit to the other , motivates to achieve , Also has the destructive power to fill lethargy and lead to destruction . Bingo! "The way up ,is the way down" by TS Eliot which is resonance of "Dharmakshetre Kurukshetre samavetaa yuyutsavah" makes perfect sense here.

It shows how important it is to understand it and channelize it for good, but do we do enough to realize? This reminds me of a quote from Einstein.

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."

But one thing we have to realize is , it is not easy to control mind/emotions, No matter what one's resolution is , it is very easy to fall prey for that instantaneous impulse. The very same prolem is highlighted by Arjuna but what is important to note here is krishna's reply..

Arjuna says :

Chanchalam hi manah krishna pramaathi balavad dridham |

Tasyaaham nigraham manye vaayoriva sudushkaram ||

Krishna replies:

Asamshayam mahaabaaho mano durnigraham chalam |

Abhyaasena tu kaunteya vairaagyena cha grihyate ||

There is this quote from Sri Aurobindo which aptly captures the essence of the above conversation and provides an achievable practice.

"There is nothing mind can do that cannot be better done in the mind's immobility and thought-free stillness. When mind is still, then truth gets her chance to be heard in the purity of the silence".

When the territory of mind is vast and its power immense the above thoughts rather made me confident happy and positive that situation is not that bad after all , A solution known is half the problem conquered.

Sapno se bhare naina...

Dedicating today to dreams..
The very first song that i heard today was chanda re from sapnay...One of my all time favorites.
so in the dreamy mood of having played that song in a loop for over 20 times as i was trying to arrange my book shelf , stumbled at this book called "ಕನ್ನಡ ಮನಸು " (kannada manasu).
This is the book from my engineering days , when kannada was made a mandatory subject in 1st semester, so as i scanned through the book i found chit , I was curious , It was an essay(in kannada of course) written by me and corrected by my teacher.Although it was written 7 years earlier and i think i could have improved the language , I was happy to see that i still had the essence then and wanted to share it on my blog.
I apologize to non-kannada readers as i dont intend to translate the essay as i dont think i can do justice to it in english.

I would like to add this dialogue between Rapunzel and Eugene in Tangled movie about dreams.Truly inspiring.
Rapunzel: I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?
Flynn Rider: It will be.
Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then?
Flynn Rider: Well,that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.

Reflections and Resolutions

Now that we are in the end of 2010 , when my junior asked me "so what are your resolutions for new year? " my thinking process as to what were my reflections and resolutions for this year kick start.

It was very easy to tell my resolutions.. I have only one resolution for years now , "Never do anything that you will have to hide from anybody else ,most importantly you own self! Do Everything that you have passion for , and learn from anything and everything that comes your way",Although this resolution is never altered , my understanding of it has!. When i was thinking of this , as though my smart ipod understood it started playing a Bollywood song from roja "Dil hai chota sa .. choti si aasha! masti bari mann ki.. bholi si aasha! exactly my resolution :) .


Now reflections were a little hard to think of ,rather to put to words .Had i been with the same mind set as that of 09 considering only the success rate , then i suppose i would have claimed that this is one of the worst possible years and cribbed about it for days, But today as i sit and write this blog there are very few things that I regret about rather I would like to put it as , if I am asked to repeat this year there are very few things I would have done differently.

So When i was wondering what changed ? There was a spider trying to climb up the wall in my room and fell , which reminded me of a story i had read in primary , Which goes like this .. " There was a king who was defeated by his enemy and was betrayed by his friends , he after losing all hopes goes and hides in a cave , where he sees a spider which was trying to weave the web and go up. It tries once and failes, it then moves a little up but still fails.. This repeats 17 times and then it succeeds and reaches the top, This incident moved the king and he then vows to get back his throne and fights and finally wins! So yes this was my outlook this year , I might have faltered but have learnt how not to take faltering steps again , although there are certain things beyond my control which i would still brood about , i have learnt to fore go of things i cannot change but accept and move on , wh ile still striving to achieve the best. Probably I started off my year well ,with atlas shrugged and fountain head from ayn rand to now ending it with a book on chanakya , This has helped me to change my outlook towards a lot of things around me for good, Now i don't want to bore any one reading this with free advice but happy to share that I had a great year.

Actually in a recent trip there was scene which moved me, there was an elephant that was chained sadly looking(appeared to me) at some tiny chirpy bird gaily, freely sitting on a rock.. This reminded me of the smile of a tribal girl living on limited means. It is up to the interpretation of a reader to understand what my point is in here and why it appeared in my reflections.

All excited to embrace a new decade with 2011 :) . Happy new year !

Belur A Masterpiece

Each time i go any historical architectural sites in India i get a altogether different perspective of the place , similarly although I had visited Belur thrice before , my fourth visit this weekend gave altogether a new perspective of the place and Indian heritage.

Let me put down my findings of my recent visit to Belur also some facts known but that got re-enforced .As i had innumerable clicks from my earlier visits i decided to put down my camera and just look through my eyes.

Firstly i was asked a question by my friend , do you know why every temple has a garuda kamba? I was actually surprised i didnt know! He then told that it supposedly acts like an antenna and resonates all the bhajan's or mantra's that are chanted inside the temple.That was
cool ,Then my rusted brain remembered that in Hampi one another explanation was they would light the tip of garuda kamba with fire and thus enitre village would know of the occasion.

Thankfully we hired a guide[I still feel guilty for having given a wrong info before hiring a guide though] . It started off bland with same old things that I had heard before. He then mentioned makara animal with trunk of an elephant (for its strength ), ear of a cow(for its sensitivity) , tail of a peacock (beauty), and many more but i was already admiring , how beautifully the best of all in one was captured was amazing. Just imagine makara as a society !! best of everything!

Our guide then moved on to statue of vishnu with four hands each holding different ayudha/weapon and he mentioned that there were 24 different forms of vishnus ! suddenly there was something itching in my brain.. OMG he was talking of permutation!! 4!! I wonder why the hell had i not realized this in my earlier visit! But then there were other bustling bubbles four weapon;s would also indicate 4 purushartha's(dharma artha kama and moksha).

But then my thoughts were curtailed when I realized he had moved on to 42 shilabalika's , For all those who think it is just statues of beautiful young women , No it is not , You cannot but admire the intricacy in each carving , expression in each one. But beyond all!! statues there are not just dancing poses but there are statues of huntress and other professions as well , one that caught my attention when he told that was the statue of a woman who appeared to be proud because she knew how beautiful was , but i didnt think that was the reason, probably that scultoror who had created that great a masterpiece would not have cared .. she must have known/loved herself so well to be that proud!

There were many many such beauties like a statue representing ecological balance / jeevo jivasya jeevanam [ reminded me of aja putram balim dadyat devaha durbala ghatakaha]
Also one amazing thing reminded me of open source development model was there was a small block which was empty.. among all the sculptures , it apparently was because the scultor with humilty left it to someone who could fill that space with something that would give more justice than what he would do to that space.

Let me complete this writing by mentioning this last important point , there are layers of miniature sculpturing as a base with elephant at the bottom to indicate strenght , then comes lion representing power , above which is horse that shows speed and then flowers with the significance of beauty.Also above layers are adored with simple daily life of humans , ramayana , mahabharatha and then sculputre if gods and godesses indicating a blending demarcation of jeevatma and paramatma.

This ended my visit to belur with darshan of chennakeshava in mohini alankaara, sayonara...

There is always a first time in Everything..

I had laughed my guts out when i had heard this for the first time in the context of people talking about flunking in some engineering exam , FAFL i suppose. But then these were the lines that I remembered when i had to travel all alone to France for two weeks . Being a person who hasn't traveled even 100 kms without family/friends, managing myself for 2 weeks was indeed a memorable experience.This blog is for every Individual who might face this situation , A message to convey that it is not really that bad :) .

The minute I had to leave my parents behind in airport and boarded the flight fear engulfed me , probably a bird learning to fly might have experienced the same feeling when the only way was to to trust its wings .After my uneventful flight from Bangalore to Dubai , I was super excited to have got a window seat (Which i always prefer) from Dubai to Nice..As it always helps me experience what a bird might feel when it is flying up in the air , crossing clouds to reach the serene sky up above.Funny thing is Nice Airport is situated just besides the sea and it appears as though the flight is going to crash into the sea but to relief it does land smoothly on ground with sea gulls flocking around!.

It was only when i collected my baggage did i realize that i was all alone in an unknown country where i was a complete stranger to everyone around and was living my worst nightmare! But first words i remembered were that of my mom's "Dhairyam sarvatra sadhanam" which means "you can win world with courage".It helped me get back to normalcy and proceeded to my hotel room.

My room was one beautiful place overlooking Alps , My life was half back when i could connect to internet and talk to my folks :) . But then i needed water to get my other half of life back .. So i ventured out looking for a supermarket.As i was clueless and i have great respect for my direction skills ;) i decided to ask an old couple.Their confused expression made me realize that they were clueless about what i was talking in English and they only spoke french, Inspite of that they were encouraging and wanted me to use more words , so i made a gesture of chocolates and water and then they realized and i can never forget what they did , they walked all the way with me for about 300mts till the supermarket, pointed me to it and left saying good evening (bon soir) child .. I was no longer a stranger there .

My office experience was equally cherishable, It was nice to see people i talk/work with over email in person, [It is this factor that will not put airline business under loss :P at least for timebeing].But the quality i admired was their ability to get into the depth of the subject, irrespective of how significant it might appear , Probably my comp sci friends can relate to, when i say they were debating enum over #define , or considering a single int variable's impact at the system level. yet another amazing attitude is , every one belongs there to one team , if you don't get what i mean , many a times we get so damn bogged down by our domain that we don't bother what happens in others module/driver/domain , which was not the case there! if your neighbor is facing an issue no matter what team he/she belongs to , they discuss the problem , try their best to help out . All i could see there was passion for what they were doing.

Then came the weekend which I didn't want to sit brooding over my state so decided to explore old nice , Monaco , old nice over the weekend .Although its fun to explore a place only with family or friends , it was an altogether new experience to travel around the city alone .I , being a person who can lose my way from a known street in Bangalore was actually surprised that i traveled alone with a map and a simple but great tip :D given by a colleague of mine [whenever you think you are lost walk towards the sea and you will find your way!] .Probably that's why it is "Necessity is the mother of invention/learning".

One person i cannot forget to mention in this blog is a lady by name Evelyne who was my taxi driver for 2 weeks. One who always talked to me for 30 mins journey to make sure i was ok, One who got me maps and told how i could get to places over weekend. With her accent she called me mythro [ i didnt correct her as it meant the same a friend]. It was only one day when she told that she was a lawyer by profession for 30 years and then was retired but still continued to drive taxi to support her mentally retarded brother , and told me that she also worked as a lawyer for free to help poor when not driving her taxi!, one thing what she said that i will always remember is "Mythro it doesnt matter what work you do as long as you are content and giving your best , I dont think i have to tell this to someone from the land of spirituality"

Finally i was done with my 2 weeks stay and had to head back home :) ,I was bustling with joy but at the same time I had an experience to remember. But my ipod touch is getting smarter day by day , as shuffle of songs started playing "Baaro sadhana kerige song by bendre" on my flight back :) , I have still not been able to find an answer for why people leave India[Birth country] and move out. My humble request to whosoever stumbles across this blog and have reached till here to grow and thrive the society that had thrived you!.


checkout for some pics from my camy dearest in here :

Nice
Old Nice
Monaco
St Laurent du var

My experiments with Life - I

I have been listening to discourses of Prof K S Narayanacharya for about 2-3 weeks now thanks to 2 of my friends for triggering my thoughts and ego to listen to those discourses and also for sharing the link.

http://www.kannadaaudio.com/Songs/Discourses/home/Indina-Jeevanada-Mele-Mahabharathada-Belaku.php
http://www.kannadaaudio.com/Songs/Discourses/home/Vishnu-Sahasranama.php

OK so why blog ? It has changed the way i look at myself and world . It has also strengthened my faith on Indian Scriptures . so i would like to share my understanding with examples.
One major take away was what krishna told arjuna "Do anything that you do with utmost dedication without any expectation" [I would like to add prejudice to expectation].This may sound either way too simple or way too complex.But But.. there is an extraordinarily simple yet powerful hidden secret in this statement.That is the belief factor .

Normally it so happens that when you believe in what you do without considering any factor of "success-failure" "like-dislike" you normally tend to do things that you are really passionate about or what you are good at without wasting effort on crap.It results in satisfaction allowing harmonious co-ordination of body and mind.
Otherwise had you concentrated on the outcome , it is general tendency to have fear of failure , fear of not living up to the expectation of yourself or others. Now once you fear, mind starts simulating scenarios where it places you as a loser thus disconnecting body-mind harmony and thus resulting in stress/failure .
Now that paul the octopus is dead I still think Netherlands lost to spain because of the predictions of paul! as Netherlands had already accepted defeat even before putting up the fight!

Expectation is a monster that eats you irrespective of whether you win or lose.When you expect something and reality is closer to what is expected then you dont learn anything new as you already knew. Now if it so happens that it did not turn out to be what you expected you are so disappointed that your mind shuts off without taking anything in!.
Had we all learnt getting prejudiced or expectation when we were born , I guess none of us would be walking today.

Now let me take examples , Recently i had to travel to Bombay and Hyderabad. On one hand I was heavily inspired by David gregory Robert's shantaram and his description of Bombay and on the other hand deeply apprehensive as i was travelling alone without family or friends for first time and had heard several stories on mumbaikars being rude.Now had i gone with this expectation i would have been thoroughly disappointed as the Bombay i saw in 8 hours was not even close to DGR's description but way better and people right from my driver till the consulate really friendly.Although i wouldnt say same thing to Hyderabad its not a bad place either and its amusing to read telgu characters similar to kannada but with spirals[chakkuli in kannada, Marathi is devanagari script i suppose or is it that I read hindi boards :D ].Anyway the point is its fun to explore life without prejudice or expectation.

When the concept is so simple ,i have realized it is the toughest path to tread , After all these realization , when i started off to read SL byrappa's Kavalu i was totally disappoined after the prelude itself ! I was expecting another Avarana/Parva and it turned out to be different! so expectation is just built into our system which we need to start rebuilding. solution ? Practise practise and more practise! I'm set!!

Now other take away was to see god in everyone
Sarva Bhutaanaam cha atmanaam |
sarva bhutaani cha aatmaani ||
Ikshate yoga yuktatma |
sarvatra samadarshanam ||
When everybody curses Hinduism(typed sanatana Dharma from now on) for being non secular , which other sect says that there is god in every one and everyone should be treated with respect. It upholds equality not just among humans but across species.It also makes one humble as one realizes that everybody is good as I am as they all have portion of the same god which i consider as ultimate and is within me.