I have always been a great fan of sudha murthy's writing it is simple straight and very honest , neither filled with prejudices nor vanity.
Recently i laid my hands on this book by title "Gently falls the bakula".
First of all bakula is a common flower , which is normally goes unnoticed as it is not very attractive but retains its fragrance for a long time even after it has dried.
It is a very simple book story of a young girl by name srimati(The hidden meaning is amazing it is the title for any married woman) ,from a small town in hubli, who is extremely brilliant and chooses history which is uncommon for a bright student , but achieves her best in it ,But at the end of her masters , drops her career interests and chooses to be a wife of a long time friend and neighbor of hers named srikanth ,though it all appears rosy to her in the beginning , later she feels like a bird in a golden cage when srikanth for his career interests ignores her and more so mocks at her skill in history as a useless knowledge, But she not only endures but also encourages him in his career for a long time but one fine day decides to end her endurance and moves out to take care of her life and interests. It is the fact that this story was written much before i was born and it still holds today amazed me and made me think over it.
I am not talking about page 3 Hi-fi girls of Bangalore times , nor am i talking about Pub going woman Whom people like mutalik despise(I care a damn about them, i detest both men and women of that sort but that is individualistic).
It is about a girls from an orthodox , society caring, higher middle class to middle class with dreams , dreams!not as in romantic bollywoodish dreams , but the one like Abdul kalam defines , "Dream is not something which you see when you sleep , but it is one which does not allow you to sleep".
One thing i want to make clear is ,No i am not a feminist ,Not anymore actually ,because I have come to think that feminism is about asking rights for women in a Man's world and i strongly detest it , It belongs to everyone equally. And also because i don't despise all men , only the one's with bloated Ego.
But Does it really belong to everyone equally at present is a question , generally As i see people around me , It is always a woman's responsibility to hold the strings of the family be it parents ,spouse , siblings or in laws , It is a woman who is blamed for a soured relationship , Is is because men have intelligently tagged woman to be "kshamaya dharitri" ? Is there a limit on patience? ,Problem is every one thinks the limit tends to infinity! , Though i definitely dont suggest to ignore either career or family , I guess people should know how to balance , I really wonder how some successful women who manage everything so gracefully.
Immediately the follow up question i get is why is a woman who has strong career interests taken as a career oriented woman with no family ties and despised , but a man with career interests is taken as smart and hardworking , why is this differentiation ? Was this done by lazy stupid women who used men as working donkeys and enjoyed luxuries or this is the work of group of men to avoid competition with women, as i think many woman are more mature and strong emotionally and intellectually than men.
Why is it that always marriage comes a first priority to a girl and not a guy , why is it there is a myth that a girl/woman needs to be protected all through life first by her father then husband and son , BS!(I really enjoyed reading in TOI recently that a women hit 2 men who was stalking her and snatched their bike keys and put them in jail).I guess it is the male EGO at work here.
I guess these are the questions which any girl of my age will have over generations , but wonder when they will be answered and who is to answer , is it us who have to take control and answer or is it the society which should accept the reality? But again if you say society what is society ? Is it again men with no brains but big ego??? It really boils my blood if they say in news that women are given equal opportunities at different fields of work , but who is giving??? I guess it is just made by men to make women feel that it is a Man's world.
Now if I wonder Why did i write this blog , I guess it is just my frustrated mind at work :).
.Actually if i think over again , I guess it should not matter what others think of you , if you are strong enough to know you are right :D .And i wish no more bakula falls unnoticed.
.Actually if i think over again , I guess it should not matter what others think of you , if you are strong enough to know you are right :D .And i wish no more bakula falls unnoticed.
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I don't know, maybe I'm old fashioned. But at some point, a woman will have to choose between family and career. Its definitely possible to balance the two but without the satisfaction of doing justice to either.
ReplyDeleteI disagree , to both "you being old fashioned" :D (If you say so then a creature like me doesn exist coz i will go back to some primitive era :P ), I dont think family and career are radio buttons ,but a check list , Also in the past there were women successful in both. Its a myth and ignorance of people who think justification cannot be done
ReplyDeleteIt is not just girls who suffer at the hands of men but vice versa also holds true.There are umpteen number of cases in which boys do badly in their studies because they are infatuated with girls.
ReplyDeleteThere a lot of mischievous women who manipulate men to get things done.There a large number of men who are "controlled" and enslaved by women. Exploitation is a two way street.
Ok madame, I'm not old fashioned and neither are u!! :P
ReplyDeleteMy family (immediate and extended) is full of women balancing family and career. My mum happens to be the best example in that regard. My aunts and my cousins too!! So my perspective is entirely from what I have seen and understood, thanks to those live instances. Then again, it’s a personal choice. :)
good blog
ReplyDeleteThe story talks as if the girl is a very gentle woman and did nothing wrong and makes people look at the man (srikanth) as a big culprit which is not good. Does the book say that the girl shared her interests in pursue a future in history. Does it says that any time she reacted at his mockeries towards her. What it says to me is she just left him one fine day for some reason that she only knew and that guy had no idea of it. She could have worked it out with him, did she try it.To what extent did she try it. When she got married to him she had all the rights in the world to take some time to decide what she want to do with life before marriage. From where i see, she just ran away from facing a challenge, a challenge of pursuing her career along with leading a life with her love. If srikanth loved her back, he would have not only accepted her interests but also helped her to certain extent. Its one of those novels which narrated the situations of a woman who accepts modernization to certain extent but take their major steps on orthodox manner. When you provide the gist of the story provide with enough evidence.
ReplyDeleteYour statement about women being responsibly held for broken relationship is entirely untrue. Its just that women feel that everybody thinks in such way. Probably due to the reason that when such things happen they first hear from their mother that you could have adjusted, but no 3rd person who is in neutral position doesn't think so. In fact to the recent statistics probably even a neutral person might think its something wrong with the man or his family (an instance made famous by showing it regularly in Indian daily soaps).
The statement "as i think many woman are more mature and strong emotionally and intellectually than men." This is a bit too much to say. When you say every one is equal how can you say that some one is more than some one and that too you are generalizing to the whole section. All the qualities that you mentioned are a consequence of how they adapted to their environment. You think women are mature because they are generally advised more than their male siblings by their parents. They are made to understand whats wrong. This is just one of those instances. So you better reword this phrase.
You are really confused which path to take. the modern way or the legacy way. modern way is you first and then marriage next. legacy is marriage first and you next. This is because you are given enough freedom by your parents to experience the modern way of life, but you don't want to disappoint them because you believe that they want you to have a legacy kind of life. You are asking questions that are totally related to the legacy kind of life.
To talk about equality, i want to raise a point. Every girl has an idea who liked/admired her. But for a guy, he has no idea whether a girl likes him or not. They are devoid of such emotions. This shows that guys are more expressive by nature and girls are rather self constrained. This not only applies to the above point i mentioned but also to lot of things. Girls are generally thought of taking safer bets in life. For example, 2 guys approached to you with saying "i love you", one earning more than you and one guys who is earning less than you. you will definitely prefer the guy earning more than you. in fact your first criteria will be that "the guy should earn more than me" for a marriage (don't tell me its not in your list). If that's on the list of every girl then every man who is married is unequal with his wife in at least on aspect. This is one of those inequalities that women only created for themselves
Hey,
ReplyDeleteHarini gave me the link to your blog. Nice post :) ..
I have written a blog on the same book - http://dsvellal.livejournal.com/5027.html ..
Anyways, wanted to say that, all your questions will be answered once you get married.. don't you think ?? :)
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ReplyDeleteOK . What I get from your writeup is two aspect of any woman's life. Individualistic and Socialistic.
ReplyDeleteThe society that we live in has attributed women such place in society due to varied reasons. There are some inherent prejudices at work over here. The very same prejudice which requires that a husband cant be idle , with his wife earning the daily bread. It has given rise to confusing circumstances. Providing women reservation on buses, queues, etc. serves to undermine the gender same as other factors above do.
Picture isn't so bleak over here. Individuality comes into picture now. A women who is more self aware , self conscious of her rights as well as duties will always rise against the tide. Accepted that the way wouldn't be easier , but life isn;t a rosy bed for anyone.
Due to the dependency mentality created by old times, women ( who feel themselves as victimized) avoid risks in life. They find a socially approved dependency to be fit for their cause. But those few who recognize their individuality never complain so and take risks and there are numerous examples of that.
Thus i feel , although necessary, there is a irrational hype associated with feminism. There are many other injustices and problems in society and they are getting transformed and resolved by the increasing awareness and education level of society. This too will change with time and change is in the air.