Quarter life crisis

Every one talks about this mid-life crisis even teen-age crisis but I have always wondered if it is only me who is going through this quarter/early twenty life crisis, But i have encountered quite of lot of people who also are going through the same phase as i am! which actually is a good news to me.

Actually it all started one Saturday morning when i was lazily trying to get up with sun shining bright by the window.Thought as to what am i doing in life as a hobby gave me a shock of my life but then regaining my composure i thought let me try to list down probable one's at least hmmm.. yes i wanted to learn music in school but it was quashed when that teacher didn't teach me beyond sa pa sa's.. for over a month (poor impatient me)! then there was karate which didn't even last for a week , then.... haan there was/is painting but i am so amateurish that i don't think it counts but at least i enjoy it nevertheless..I don't think reading novels / occasional cooking counts !! Now i was in serious trouble!?!.. Even work i always feel that i could do better than what I'm doing now..

So what do i do in life????led to my quarter life crisis !

so Now let me put my perspective of what is this quarter life crisis and what is the solution?

First of all as any other crisis it is directionless/aimless feeling that starts creeping.. and then starts engulfing one's self.

I have always had short term goals in life right after i passed out of class 7 , may be it is because of the exam oriented education IE thrust, but not only were we not denied of any additional activities but (anything but for sports for me ;=)) were encouraged to do so which did remainder of the time that did not occupy exam preparation , but be it anything there was a goal set and not only achieving it was a great fun but failure was also taken equally well of course with few drops of tears but with fiercer determination. It was all healthy competition and sweet jealousy which makes one better.Especially once out of high school there was a clear cut definition of life for next 2 years with 12Th and cet!! advice were so packaged that there would be no life without doing well in them , but it was nevertheless enjoyable schedule slogging for every damn test/exam making fun of it with friends , best was ways to avoid college to prepare for tut exams,anyways there was a schedule and goal !! Going on engineering had an additional goal of placements along with exams/coding et al,But there was also the feeling of a team and common goal especially during college projects and the small ego fights were forgotten on next meet.

But Then All of a sudden when passed out of college and beginning to work ,it appeared as though the best part of life has just started ,suddenly with more freedom with money like a direct promotion from pocket money to handsome salary,weekend getaways with friend life looked like a bed of roses .....but now with 2 years into it suddenly the same life which was so lustrous and colorful has started looking as though its now being played on a black n white screen.

Life has started looking meaningless and mainly the question that pops is "is this all??".Somehow that feeling of a team for college project with by 2 tea and vada sambar in canteen / coll lab is lost in the lavish team rooms.(ofcourse there are times this life appears fun too but nostalgia always creeps in.)

Yes there is work ,Actually lots of work but the scene is changed.. there no longer is there is that fun in the short term goal which thrills which frustrates which at the end makes you feel contented .. of course i'm not forgetting the short term long term goal set in half yearly reviews but that feels more like a process than concern ,may be its my own shortcoming but still something doesnt feel right , it is acually the thought of what would i be 10 years hence appears to be the worst nightmare especially the answer which might be "do the same thing" scares more!.. , it appears to me that I'm running a race where distance seems infinite and don't know what is the use and who are other contenders !!!

Somehow there is no adrenaline rush ... everything is just perfect to a bystander but still there is something vacant gnawing at back of the mind , Its a feeling of nothingness,..

Now i don't want to sound like mother Teresa but definitely one thing that bothers me is what am i doing to this society , where more than half the population is below poverty line and their main thought is how to fetch next meal , would they even care about the s/w developed or admire advancements in science in the world , isn't it our the so called educated mass's responsibility to help such people? but inability to do so(I blame myself for this ) irks more and adds to overall a feeling of voidness.

But... I am sure like any other problem time alone will give its best solution and will pull out of this quick sand scene :).

Lazy Lamhe

Its been a while since i had been to udupi my native Place, though i was born and bought up in Bangalore i always look forward with great enthusiasm for my yearly trip to udupi where I cherish my childhood's short 7-10 days of summer vacation memories.

It is the nature there in udupi and on the way from Bangalore to udupi through shiradi/charmadi ghats that make it more wonderful.

This blog is more of the description of the nature en route to udupi through my eyes ;as i feel that it is a truly spectacular route and it has the power to slow down the time.

About four hours drive from Bangalore , once hassan is crossed starts the magical sakleshpur route via shiradi ghats .
It has unpredictable weather especially during July-august where it is foggy and rains for sometime just when you think 'oh such a gloomy weather' ; Sun just peeps out as though it wants to play hide and seek .Those water droplets which looks as though are lazily shaking itself off sleep because of the sunlight looks like small diamonds falling off the leaves are a fun to watch.

As you pass through the narrow curvy roads which look like serpent, fog suddenly clears up and unveils unending stretch of lush green hills , river which is all red because of soil and minerals gushing in great hurry making hissing sound and occasional small falls streaming down the hill.

If you observe closely definitely it will make you wonder how many thousands and thousands of shades of green are present in the leaves of trees shrubs and creepers it always makes me think as to how many tons of liters of paint would god have mixed up to make it ..(I defi give a damn to big bang i dont think even Lemaitre would have really believed that collision of protons can create this magical universe with due respect to my all time star Einstein).
How can one miss those colorful beauties, there are soo many butterflies dancing around those wild forest flowers with different colors patterns and shapes. If you think this is all the road offers picture abhi baki hai mere dost :-D.

Thanks to all the forest herbs and tulsi which is grown in abundance by the roadside the air inhaled is so pure that each volume of it inhaled makes you more alive and gives a cleansed feeling.There is music to ears as well from the river flow ,constant humming of insects, distant chattering of monkeys and occasional chirping of birds , Ah I know nothing that can beat stress than all these.(Probably this was the inspiration to many Kannada songs on the lines of "ellellu sangeethave..")

Two major temples are located on the way ; Dharmastala and Subramanya are hidden amidst the hills and surrounded by river Netravathi and kumaradhara respectively also makes one very spiritual , I suppose the calm nature and peaceful surrounding with cows straying around makes it more divine.

Then traveling about 4-5 hours from Dharmatala will take us to udupi Land of madhwacharya as i describe, where a walk of about 30 minutes from my native house will lead to "the Beaaach", It is really really fun to make sand castles(kappe goodu) and decorate it with kappe chippu(sea shells :P) and get scared and shriek when a live insect tries to come out of it and run fast towards the approaching wave .As the sun starts setting its a delight to see how Arabian sea gets all golden and shimmering and those golden waves crashing the beach.. And deep red and gold sky adds to the beauty , I always feel confused emotions at that time ,wonder why sunset always makes me eccentrically happy and sad at the same time , nevertheless it's a sight not to be missed.
It has always been a custom to walk back home scared ;looking for snakes before stepping(:P), in the narrow 'no tar' lane amidst plantations after sunset.
It is always fun to sleep in angala(Space outside house usually cleansed with cow dung) and look at those millions and millions of stars and look for constellations which somehow lose their lustre amidst thousands of street lights.
After few visits here and there when we start to get back to Bangalore, normally it will be post 7 and dark thus though the scenery which is seen in daylight is missed but if it is a moonlit night The tiny falls which is seen very frequently looks like it is milk which is flowing down, How can sleep not pull in if ee sundara beladingala/tunturu alli neera haadu song from amrutavarshini is pouring in my ears..If anyone feels this description an exaggeration i guess one should visit the place before coming to any conclusions :-).

This ends the trip but memories linger on...