Change.... A struggle b/w embracing and resisting it ..

PS I love you , yes it is this movie/novel which i never get bored of where the ex-husband of a widow teaches her how to lead her life on her own and helps her overcome the fear of change and makes her lead her life ..

It is this which triggered the thought about "change" in my mind and as always one's the daemon installs itself in my mind it keeps running at the back of mind all the time.. As always its the sunset which i was enjoying from the bus window(though i had namesake in my hand it was really a name sake) made this daemon a foreground process thanks to the one and half hour journey home which gave ample time for it to run .

Now if i think why did sunset trigger my thoughts about "change" ,my first answer would be probably the period of sunset is also one of the best example that signifies change , where the sun struggles and tries to hold on its position and brightness shading enitre sky with as many colors as human emotions but then gives away the space for yet another beauty allowing countless starts to claim their presence with moon fighting for dominance..

Right since we were kids we are told that change is law of nature , it is the only constant thing but then, Now when we think of "change" there are some changes that we anticipate with great eagerness but many we resist as much as we can..Now if we take the change that we anticipate .. sometimes it is this anticipication that makes one so excited that you forget your current misery/state which makes life better sometimes only to realize that it was much better before but atleast i have seen very less of these..

Now something that i want to write about is inspite of knowing that the change is inevitable we sometimes try to hold on to the past so badly that we miss the fun of enjoying the new stuff. In spite of going through the phase of change over and over again mind still resists it forgetting the fact that what we hold so dearly today was actually a change that we might have resisted and might have looked at with the same skeptism before..right since the luxury of playing at home is forbidden and was forcefully sent to school till date..

But Is it the familiarity with something ie already existing make the change more scarier or is it the fact of firm establishment in a space which triggers resistance? Actually this is upheld by a famous proverb "kanada devariginta gottiro devva ne waasi anta " which translates to A known devil is better than an unknown god .

But the fact is that inspite of all these there is some curiosity/some catalyst which enables one to go after the change and familiarize it..which actually enables us to be better , But right since the oldage proverbs to science as it is today has exemplified the fact that change has brought both good and bad ..the very existence of me and the very blog is the proof of what good a change can make, had the single cell/singularity or whatever no one knows resisted change way back billions;s of years ago there wouldn't be universe in the first place but the very same mutation/change in virus as on today makes lots of disease incurable..

so there always has been a struggle in mind whether to go with the change or resist and hold on to the past till it becomes inevitable but as always sanskrit has a solution Ati sarvatra varjayeth(Always avoid extremes) so what is stopping , dont hesitate and go for the change with a lil caution ... That will definitely make one better ...

Now why is this blog? ;-)... To motivate myself to embrace change @ work /life/perspective........... :D.

Quarter life crisis

Every one talks about this mid-life crisis even teen-age crisis but I have always wondered if it is only me who is going through this quarter/early twenty life crisis, But i have encountered quite of lot of people who also are going through the same phase as i am! which actually is a good news to me.

Actually it all started one Saturday morning when i was lazily trying to get up with sun shining bright by the window.Thought as to what am i doing in life as a hobby gave me a shock of my life but then regaining my composure i thought let me try to list down probable one's at least hmmm.. yes i wanted to learn music in school but it was quashed when that teacher didn't teach me beyond sa pa sa's.. for over a month (poor impatient me)! then there was karate which didn't even last for a week , then.... haan there was/is painting but i am so amateurish that i don't think it counts but at least i enjoy it nevertheless..I don't think reading novels / occasional cooking counts !! Now i was in serious trouble!?!.. Even work i always feel that i could do better than what I'm doing now..

So what do i do in life????led to my quarter life crisis !

so Now let me put my perspective of what is this quarter life crisis and what is the solution?

First of all as any other crisis it is directionless/aimless feeling that starts creeping.. and then starts engulfing one's self.

I have always had short term goals in life right after i passed out of class 7 , may be it is because of the exam oriented education IE thrust, but not only were we not denied of any additional activities but (anything but for sports for me ;=)) were encouraged to do so which did remainder of the time that did not occupy exam preparation , but be it anything there was a goal set and not only achieving it was a great fun but failure was also taken equally well of course with few drops of tears but with fiercer determination. It was all healthy competition and sweet jealousy which makes one better.Especially once out of high school there was a clear cut definition of life for next 2 years with 12Th and cet!! advice were so packaged that there would be no life without doing well in them , but it was nevertheless enjoyable schedule slogging for every damn test/exam making fun of it with friends , best was ways to avoid college to prepare for tut exams,anyways there was a schedule and goal !! Going on engineering had an additional goal of placements along with exams/coding et al,But there was also the feeling of a team and common goal especially during college projects and the small ego fights were forgotten on next meet.

But Then All of a sudden when passed out of college and beginning to work ,it appeared as though the best part of life has just started ,suddenly with more freedom with money like a direct promotion from pocket money to handsome salary,weekend getaways with friend life looked like a bed of roses .....but now with 2 years into it suddenly the same life which was so lustrous and colorful has started looking as though its now being played on a black n white screen.

Life has started looking meaningless and mainly the question that pops is "is this all??".Somehow that feeling of a team for college project with by 2 tea and vada sambar in canteen / coll lab is lost in the lavish team rooms.(ofcourse there are times this life appears fun too but nostalgia always creeps in.)

Yes there is work ,Actually lots of work but the scene is changed.. there no longer is there is that fun in the short term goal which thrills which frustrates which at the end makes you feel contented .. of course i'm not forgetting the short term long term goal set in half yearly reviews but that feels more like a process than concern ,may be its my own shortcoming but still something doesnt feel right , it is acually the thought of what would i be 10 years hence appears to be the worst nightmare especially the answer which might be "do the same thing" scares more!.. , it appears to me that I'm running a race where distance seems infinite and don't know what is the use and who are other contenders !!!

Somehow there is no adrenaline rush ... everything is just perfect to a bystander but still there is something vacant gnawing at back of the mind , Its a feeling of nothingness,..

Now i don't want to sound like mother Teresa but definitely one thing that bothers me is what am i doing to this society , where more than half the population is below poverty line and their main thought is how to fetch next meal , would they even care about the s/w developed or admire advancements in science in the world , isn't it our the so called educated mass's responsibility to help such people? but inability to do so(I blame myself for this ) irks more and adds to overall a feeling of voidness.

But... I am sure like any other problem time alone will give its best solution and will pull out of this quick sand scene :).

Lazy Lamhe

Its been a while since i had been to udupi my native Place, though i was born and bought up in Bangalore i always look forward with great enthusiasm for my yearly trip to udupi where I cherish my childhood's short 7-10 days of summer vacation memories.

It is the nature there in udupi and on the way from Bangalore to udupi through shiradi/charmadi ghats that make it more wonderful.

This blog is more of the description of the nature en route to udupi through my eyes ;as i feel that it is a truly spectacular route and it has the power to slow down the time.

About four hours drive from Bangalore , once hassan is crossed starts the magical sakleshpur route via shiradi ghats .
It has unpredictable weather especially during July-august where it is foggy and rains for sometime just when you think 'oh such a gloomy weather' ; Sun just peeps out as though it wants to play hide and seek .Those water droplets which looks as though are lazily shaking itself off sleep because of the sunlight looks like small diamonds falling off the leaves are a fun to watch.

As you pass through the narrow curvy roads which look like serpent, fog suddenly clears up and unveils unending stretch of lush green hills , river which is all red because of soil and minerals gushing in great hurry making hissing sound and occasional small falls streaming down the hill.

If you observe closely definitely it will make you wonder how many thousands and thousands of shades of green are present in the leaves of trees shrubs and creepers it always makes me think as to how many tons of liters of paint would god have mixed up to make it ..(I defi give a damn to big bang i dont think even Lemaitre would have really believed that collision of protons can create this magical universe with due respect to my all time star Einstein).
How can one miss those colorful beauties, there are soo many butterflies dancing around those wild forest flowers with different colors patterns and shapes. If you think this is all the road offers picture abhi baki hai mere dost :-D.

Thanks to all the forest herbs and tulsi which is grown in abundance by the roadside the air inhaled is so pure that each volume of it inhaled makes you more alive and gives a cleansed feeling.There is music to ears as well from the river flow ,constant humming of insects, distant chattering of monkeys and occasional chirping of birds , Ah I know nothing that can beat stress than all these.(Probably this was the inspiration to many Kannada songs on the lines of "ellellu sangeethave..")

Two major temples are located on the way ; Dharmastala and Subramanya are hidden amidst the hills and surrounded by river Netravathi and kumaradhara respectively also makes one very spiritual , I suppose the calm nature and peaceful surrounding with cows straying around makes it more divine.

Then traveling about 4-5 hours from Dharmatala will take us to udupi Land of madhwacharya as i describe, where a walk of about 30 minutes from my native house will lead to "the Beaaach", It is really really fun to make sand castles(kappe goodu) and decorate it with kappe chippu(sea shells :P) and get scared and shriek when a live insect tries to come out of it and run fast towards the approaching wave .As the sun starts setting its a delight to see how Arabian sea gets all golden and shimmering and those golden waves crashing the beach.. And deep red and gold sky adds to the beauty , I always feel confused emotions at that time ,wonder why sunset always makes me eccentrically happy and sad at the same time , nevertheless it's a sight not to be missed.
It has always been a custom to walk back home scared ;looking for snakes before stepping(:P), in the narrow 'no tar' lane amidst plantations after sunset.
It is always fun to sleep in angala(Space outside house usually cleansed with cow dung) and look at those millions and millions of stars and look for constellations which somehow lose their lustre amidst thousands of street lights.
After few visits here and there when we start to get back to Bangalore, normally it will be post 7 and dark thus though the scenery which is seen in daylight is missed but if it is a moonlit night The tiny falls which is seen very frequently looks like it is milk which is flowing down, How can sleep not pull in if ee sundara beladingala/tunturu alli neera haadu song from amrutavarshini is pouring in my ears..If anyone feels this description an exaggeration i guess one should visit the place before coming to any conclusions :-).

This ends the trip but memories linger on...

Back Again , Now with Inspiring movies

I just watched 'life is beautiful' again , It has become a habit for me to watch movies i find close to my heart again and again :D (may be there are people who think that my movie database is not getting updated well).Once it was done i was wondering why not write a blog on it.

Seriously i haven't visited my own blog since the last update!This time thankfully the reason is not because i was lazy but got busy with work and chores , Again this contradicts my own principle that you always have time to do what you want to do :-). Anyways let me move back to the topic.

Movies ! ,Yes many a times i find that movies and characters though are fictitious just alters the way you look life or just creates an unmaskable impression in mind so I want to just mention some i feel are just great and has created an impact in me. May be this also serves as a movie guide to :-).

Let me just start off with

Life is beautiful: It is a movie which fills in optimism in you, Truly Roberto is a magnanimous character who is full of positive energy makes you laugh your guts out in the first half and then goes on to make you admire him for his presence of mind , optimism and the way he shields his son from all the misery around with his cheerfulness and almost believable tale of it being a game even at the end when death is imminent ,its truly a marvel !

Next it's a Kannada movie and strong contender to the first slot :)

Amruthavarshini: One movie which leaves even the most hard heated in tears, Strong characterization above all a story line which upholds love to its zenith ,for me no other movie or book ( besides titanic of course )can depict love and sacrifice to that level ,especially the ending which is true justification for the entire concept it can also boast of amazing songs(No of times i might have heard them will be in thousands :-)) .

Now in random order

Beautiful mind: yet another movie that leaves a strong note , mind is indeed the most beautiful mystery and the reason for the current state of human race ,what happens if it tries to deceive you!.

First part is truly an eye opener, when you think maths is just a subject in curriculum john Nash surprises you when he tries to get the feeding pattern of the pigeons or vectors from incident of someone mugging basically trying to find a mathematical proof to every life's behavior.But when the same mind starts playing trick with him because of schizophrenia .It moves to see that when everyone considers him as mentally challenged and crazy his wife stands by.Even more touching is when he lives with and succeeds even with schizophrenia , which motivates any human being.

seriously this movie is a great tribute to john Nash and many many less known people being in his position.

Illusionist: The only message it carries to me is never ever underestimate anyone!! Especially not one as talented as the illusionist :).It starts of as general love story but develops into one of

the best movies ever made,A true example to how far can one go to take revenge(For just revenge i guess count of Monte cristo is even better) and fulfil one's wish , It is just amazing how he gets everyone to support him when he is carefully finding a path for his rival's doom.Just amazing!.

Rab ne banadi jodi:I am quite sure if anyone has read till now will muse at it, But this is a movie i don't understand why people cant understand :D.yes it is funny and quite unrealistic but to me it carries a simple sweet message there is a character/s what you like in every common person its just that one has to look beyond the outer package and realize what the real person is.Always i remember this famous dialogue from mohabbatein whenever i watch RNBJ "Pyar kare toh tumse kare jaise ho waise kare agar koi tuhme badal kar pyar karna chahe to woh pyar nahi sauda kare " ;).

Now moving on to other movies

Madagascar(How can i miss you :-)): It is a true entertainer with great message ,Team work :) (Not forgetting the penguins ! :D) and friendship being the core it is wonderfully made.I especially like the 2nd part where Alex tells Marty about friendship"Marty (zebra) hey you are different from all the others , they all are black with white stripes but to me (a friend)you are white with

black stripes"Is there any better way to convey a friend that she/he is more special? I don't think so!

Now that i have started animated series let me not miss

Shrek : Story of an ugly ogre! but everything that he says just hits at the right spot , how well life and truth is told by such an animated character simply surprises me , also it is great when they have an option to change into charming couple from the magic potion but how he and his lady love choose to look and be , In an era when people forget one's own self and do anything to look charming to others.shrek should be role model i say !

Moving back to regular movies

You've got a mail:How prejudice and pre-formed opinion about someone can change how you look at a person , how can you love and hate a person at the same time one with an open eye ignorant of prejudices other closed, It unfolds to show it , sweet and gentle shouldn't miss this one :).

Taare Zameen par:A movie so true about Indian upbringing of children , Yes it is the case that the child in the movie is suffering from dyslexia and has a great talent for painting(I should not say talent after reading a painter/artist view in anna karenina :D)OK let me call it art, but if you take any child for that matter it is ridiculous how in some household in India the child is pressurized and a notion is embedded that only serious career that exist if you are either a doctor or an engineer , without any regard to what the child wants.Movie just mirrors it and carries a fantastic message to parents and teachers.

Oh good i have this great movie for the last

Gone with the wind: I love this movie for Scarlett's character , Yes she is stubborn and wrong at times but it is the quality that she accepts her mistakes boldly than shying away is a beauty.How she handles her entire household in the time of crisis , how she bravely faces the world and saves Tara her land and her family is a wonder, Though chided by everyone around how she lives a life she wants to live is inspiring.

But the best part lies at the end , Even when the only person she has loved, Rhett leaves her;the way she says AFTER ALL TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY always bewitches me , It as though she is ready for another battle she is all set to win!.

Enough for now ,will add more when i find time :)

Gently falls the bakula

I have always been a great fan of sudha murthy's writing it is simple straight and very honest , neither filled with prejudices nor vanity.

Recently i laid my hands on this book by title "Gently falls the bakula".

First of all bakula is a common flower , which is normally goes unnoticed as it is not very attractive but retains its fragrance for a long time even after it has dried.

It is a very simple book story of a young girl by name srimati(The hidden meaning is amazing it is the title for any married woman) ,from a small town in hubli, who is extremely brilliant and chooses history which is uncommon for a bright student , but achieves her best in it ,But at the end of her masters , drops her career interests and chooses to be a wife of a long time friend and neighbor of hers named srikanth ,though it all appears rosy to her in the beginning , later she feels like a bird in a golden cage when srikanth for his career interests ignores her and more so mocks at her skill in history as a useless knowledge, But she not only endures but also encourages him in his career for a long time but one fine day decides to end her endurance and moves out to take care of her life and interests. It is the fact that this story was written much before i was born and it still holds today amazed me and made me think over it.

I am not talking about page 3 Hi-fi girls of Bangalore times , nor am i talking about Pub going woman Whom people like mutalik despise(I care a damn about them, i detest both men and women of that sort but that is individualistic).

It is about a girls from an orthodox , society caring, higher middle class to middle class with dreams , dreams!not as in romantic bollywoodish dreams , but the one like Abdul kalam defines , "Dream is not something which you see when you sleep , but it is one which does not allow you to sleep".

One thing i want to make clear is ,No i am not a feminist ,Not anymore actually ,because I have come to think that feminism is about asking rights for women in a Man's world and i strongly detest it , It belongs to everyone equally. And also because i don't despise all men , only the one's with bloated Ego.

But Does it really belong to everyone equally at present is a question , generally As i see people around me , It is always a woman's responsibility to hold the strings of the family be it parents ,spouse , siblings or in laws , It is a woman who is blamed for a soured relationship , Is is because men have intelligently tagged woman to be "kshamaya dharitri" ? Is there a limit on patience? ,Problem is every one thinks the limit tends to infinity! , Though i definitely dont suggest to ignore either career or family , I guess people should know how to balance , I really wonder how some successful women who manage everything so gracefully.

Immediately the follow up question i get is why is a woman who has strong career interests taken as a career oriented woman with no family ties and despised , but a man with career interests is taken as smart and hardworking , why is this differentiation ? Was this done by lazy stupid women who used men as working donkeys and enjoyed luxuries or this is the work of group of men to avoid competition with women, as i think many woman are more mature and strong emotionally and intellectually than men.

Why is it that always marriage comes a first priority to a girl and not a guy , why is it there is a myth that a girl/woman needs to be protected all through life first by her father then husband and son , BS!(I really enjoyed reading in TOI recently that a women hit 2 men who was stalking her and snatched their bike keys and put them in jail).I guess it is the male EGO at work here.

I guess these are the questions which any girl of my age will have over generations , but wonder when they will be answered and who is to answer , is it us who have to take control and answer or is it the society which should accept the reality? But again if you say society what is society ? Is it again men with no brains but big ego??? It really boils my blood if they say in news that women are given equal opportunities at different fields of work , but who is giving??? I guess it is just made by men to make women feel that it is a Man's world.

Now if I wonder Why did i write this blog , I guess it is just my frustrated mind at work :).
.Actually if i think over again , I guess it should not matter what others think of you , if you are strong enough to know you are right :D .And i wish no more bakula falls unnoticed.

My Teaching Experience In a Government school (Teach India )

I have been longing to write about my teaching experience to government school kids through teach India.But i seriously must say i had a long wait before i actually started teaching as those kids have holiday on 2nd and 4th saturday of the month and most of the other Saturdays were declared holidays for some arbit reasons. When it finally started just before going i was a little nervous as im not good with kids and didnt know how i would connect with them but was damn excited as it was an opportunity for myself to know how good i am as a teacher :P [I always thought i am the worst teacher with a bad temper i later realized i am not that bad after all :)].

Ya now i was told that i should introduce myself to them and ask them if they had any question and most important of all , i was asked to talk to them only in english even if they talk in my and their local language kannada.

But it was only after going there i realized how different the scenario was from the theory or advice given!!

There were a bunch of 5 kids all studying in 6th or 7th standard, in front of me and we were squatting on a mat and i gave a brief introduction of myself , i was shocked by the cold gaze i got and when i asked them to introduce themselves they were still blinking , and then finally i decided to go against what i was told(No talking in kannada) and i asked in kanglish ... finally they gave a smile and one kid among them told "hey miss is asking us to tell our names "[:D i found it very funny being called miss ;) !!] then one by one they gave out their names ,
there were 1 or 2 who were hesitant to even tell their names .After this i was a little more confident and did my second mistake by asking them in english , "You all are interested in learning and reading english right ???"

But was comepletely demotivated for a second when they told a big "NO" . It was only after i composed myself i asked them again in kanglish wondering what they meant , because a
negative answer to that question would defeat the purpose of my visit there.

Then Thank God !! they told in broken english that they want to learn english and read english books but they didnt know anything but to read alphabets and then try to spell it but didn't
understand the meaning of more than 90% of the words they read or heard , Adding to it they told that had not understood what i had asked them and when i told them what they had replied they shyly apologized for their impertinence. It was a breather for me.

It was then the reality struck me ! I have a bunch of grown up kids of 13/14 years and English is introduced to them as a subject only when they go to 5th standard! Thanks to the education system in karnataka,And also hypocratic bunch of so called " kannada Para"(For kannada) people who are strictly against introducing english to government school kids from class I , When they themselves send their kids to international schools , feeding them english in every walk of life . I dont understand what the hell they are going to achieve by not providing english as a subject for these poor kids who cannot afford a private school . Learning english does not mean forgetting kannada right ? And the irony is that all the office papers even in government are in english , if there were only such govt schools who the hell would understand it ?
When English is globally accepted language of communication [If china can start why cant we ?] aren't we cheating these poor kids , when all others have access to the language , wont these little one's feel left out ? I hope they act soon and not put these kids in such situation.

Ok i know i deviated from the topic but i couldn't resist making those comments. Ya then it was all smooth , I realized the real situation they were in and used methods with english mixed with kannada ,and it was real fun and was actually amazed at the rate at which some of them learn , its not that they are dull heads its just that they are not used to it . It was a relishing moment to see the gleam in their eyes with the satisfaction of they having learnt some thing new.

It was also funny the way 2 kids were trying to patofy ;) , In the middle of the session one girl was like miss[;)] i don't feel like going home only if u teaching LOL that was my first session girl! was my reaction , Immediately as though in competition the other girl is like miss if I read English book i don't feel like reading Kannada only !, to which my reaction was a little serious that it should be a balance of the two languages , as a wrong message would be conveyed otherwise.

When the sky smiled :)

Night sky has always been a delight to me . I always find it divine ,spiritual , enchanting and more. I think nothing but gazing at the sky makes one humble . Those cloudless nights where the countless stars twinkles . It has always been fun to locate the pole stars or the Ursa major(sapta rishi mandala) ... in sky.

But 31st November was no exception but when looking at the sky it was a little unusual to sight two stars which were so close by and so bright , though 1 looked like the morning star Venus the other one i had never seen before so close to Venus and so bright!!! and the fun part was when we a bunch of friends were looking at them , clouds were playing a trick , to make one bright at a time and then suddenly become so dull as to disappear , There were funny thoughts like it being a secret signal :P being conveyed don't know who though ! , it being a UFO . But a little analysis after getting home said it was Jupiter the largest planet and supposedly the king gods in roman and Venus !! And it was forgotten for the day.

It was only next day ie Monday 1st December when me and mom went to terrace for a stroll and as usual looked up the sky , the sight bewitched me it was indeed so beautiful so mysterious and great trick (I'm sure astronomers will completely disagree as it is physics ! But i like to forget the physics part and like to think its some one trying to write a smiley) The three celestial bodies Jupiter Venus and crescent moon which were in the position of a smiley .

After enjoying it for sometime , I immediately rushed to get the camera and here it is I have attached the image.

Two planets which are miles apart appear to be in perfect line to make the beautiful twinkling eyes of the sky and the crescent moon in perfect shape as to show the sky is indeed very happy. Oh ! what a sight to see !!!!!